Back when you can
by Miss Momolo
Summary: "I can't stay forever, Ichigo," she said and he wished everything but. "I have duties, a job." She didn't mention what he was hopping for and he had to tie his feet to the ground before they took off running. "Will you come back?" Again, she looked at the sky. "I'm unsure." Summary: New Years brings Ichigo a new problem. One-shot


**Declaimer: I do not own Bleach or their characters. I suggest you listen to the song Come Back When You Can by: Barcelona while you read this.**

Was it really over? Or was it really beginning?

Of course the excitement was still there, feeding off the hope of change and chance. There was also ache. Ache about the things that would be left behind, or maybe in time forgotten. There are circumstances that without an ounce of regret are better left as nothing but the past or a faint memory- like the struggles or the pain or the adversities. But there others that Ichigo would rather hold on for until forever if it were possible and if the threat of the New Year's didn't oppose to do so. And why could he want to strand the grand moment when she returned?

He didn't have much time to pounder on the subject any further, soon it will begin the countdown to the unknown. Or to him something that he was very poorly procrastinating to discuss. She was beside him, outside the clinic excitedly waiting the New Years since last time she didn't stay long enough for one. Which in a way provokes the same subject to rise to his subconscious again and in a matter of seconds his fighting melancholy.  
Instead he tried to unfocused his mind as he looked down at her from the corner of his eyes. He couldn't help think that she looked better with wondering eyes. So distracted. Unplugged from this world and rather lost in another. And as the sparks of a new start begin to ignite the sky he can't help see a glance of that world reflect in her eyes as they glint with some kind of admiration. Then there was the smile, making his face fall and drain.

For whatever reason or whatever purpose he reached out and took her hand covered in an old sock with misshaped holes. It seemed fitting, he decided. She didn't notice though and it was a minute after twelve when she did and he thought that for a moment he saw the gates to that un-destined world closed as she blinked, shocked or surprised.

But she didn't pull away.

"Ichigo?" her voice was unsure but what she wanted to answer was clear.

"I'm just glad you're here, that's all," he only vindicated.

She turned towards the sky as if the sparks could tell her what to do. He could see her throat rise and fall as she swallowed and he felt his fingers slipping. He was thankful that it was only her with him because he was sure he couldn't have the dignity to stand there without splitting and less have the courage to take her fingers.

"I'm leaving," she stated after what seemed to be a long liberation.

His hands left hers and he gently and very slowly closed his eyes, trying to steady the punch he felt in his stomach and the tight ropes at his neck preventing him to speak. He breathed air but it wasn't sufficient when his lungs didn't resurface from their struggle.

He did the only thing he could, "Okay."

"Are you?" she was concerned, he knew that but for the moment he sentenced her to that small nuisance because in a way he figured she deserved it.

"Why?"

"I can't stay forever, Ichigo," she said and he wished everything but. "I have duties, a job."

She didn't mention what he was hopping for and he had to tie his feet to the ground before they took off running. "Will you come back?"

Again, she looked at the sky. "I'm unsure."

He sighed annoyed and for the first time he felt the release of anger loose as he tells her, "Would you have the decency to look me in the eyes when you tell me all this, Rukia?"

She snapped her head and immediately locked eyes with him. "Why? So I can change my mind?"

He got aggravated, that's the only word he had for it. "Who even said I was going to change your mind?" even though that was all he wanted but it felt wrong when it was thrown back at his face as if it was worth nothing more than that.

"Not you," she said hurt, "but me. I… can't stay…"

"Why?" it didn't make sense.

"Because then I will never leave. And I have to leave." Her voice reminded him of when she had threatened him not to come after her when she was taken for conviction. It holds the same finality too. The pain was the same too and he felt the need to resist but he wouldn't do it….

Just because it would hurt her more and that was the last thing he needed. Wanted. It had been tough on him not having her but did he consider how the weight was held in her back? He didn't want her to be guilty over things he wanted. Things he wanted very badly. It was clear that she didn't want to leave either, so it didn't make sense for her to go, but he wasn't going to counter on this. He trusted Rukia on doing right decisions and if she was heading this way he had no other choice but to follow.

"I'm still glad you're still here, though," he said, shrugging, not caring even if it killed him to act indifferent, "even if you're leaving."

"You're not mad?" she asked a bit too astonished. "You don't hate me?"

Of course this stung and when he looked at her up and down he made sure she saw it too. "You have done nothing at all." To make me love you less. "Your very difficult to hate, Rukia." When her face was still astounded he added, making an arrogant smile twitch at the corners of her mouth. "Even if you're annoying and frustrating and as appealing as a piece of onion."

"Likewise." She said.

They stood there in silence as the sky kept orchestrating acts and more lights for the New Year. The end, Ichigo decided soon after. It was the end. He should have seen it coming. Why hadn't he ? That's right. She was unpredictable and her decision to leave was unpredictable. He didn't ask when she was leavening obviously, he rather not but he knows that when the time come he has no escape. He just hopes that it's not until a long while. Until that time comes he has to savor these times and hope for the best. For his best.

Inside the clinic he heard his fathers and sisters make some noise but it didn't matter. He was only interested in her. And all the things they wouldn't get to do- like school or places he wanted to show her or things he wanted to say. At first this were the things they were going to do and it seemed somehow strange that they became in a matter of moments the things they won't.

So it came to a great struggle as he tried to come up with the words, "Rukia just…"

"What?"

He swallowed then shrugged but continued anyways because he knew that she wouldn't see it passed him if he didn't finished, "Come back when you can."

She grabbed his hand and just as she turned he saw one last spark reflect in her eyes and he saw himself in them. He couldn't help smile thinking that, maybe, for a moment, he was part of her world and maybe when and if she left some part of him will leave with her.

The End.


End file.
